After days of sub-zero cold and more snow that I can measure, I have been driven to distraction. If you do not
know what a -20 degree day with -40 degree wind chills feels like, allow me to explain…
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Michigan plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Michigan sunbathe.
40 above zero: Italian & English cars won’t start. People in Michigan are driving with the windows down.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Michigan’s larger rivers gets thicker.
20 above zero: Floridians put on coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats. People in Michigan throw on a
flannel shirt.
15 above zero: Virginia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets
Zero: People in Miami all die. Michiganders close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Michigan get out their winter coats.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington , DC runs out of hot air. People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Michiganders get frustrated because they can’t start
the Mini-Van.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Michigan start
saying…”Cold ’nuff fer ya?”
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Michigan public schools are closed